Wild in the City: Part II

BY KATHRYN GRAY

when people ask how my family of four lives on $35,000 a year in downtown toronto, i kind of shrug. the way we live doesn’t seem hard or revolutionary to me, and the way we do it seems common sense. they say No, it’s not common sense, and i shrug again. i suppose i could give a list of where to buy cheap lentils and how to get a good $10 haircut and such, but that’s boring. let me discuss life practices instead of money practices and how we think about money.

i believe that every consumer choice i make matters. it matters whether my celery is from a local organic farmer or a factory farm in california. before i buy things i consider who made it, how it was made, how it got to be in my hands, and what its footprint is going to be. so yeah, i save money by not buying paper towels and not having a car, but it’s not because i’m trying to save. it’s because i want my children to have a half-decent planet to grow old on.

i spend a lot of time with people who think like me. we have potlucks and clothing exchanges and stitch ‘n bitches and we talk about how we can live simply and responsibly. being surrounded by like-minded people is crucial. most women can spend $300 on a shopping spree and their friends would excitedly gather ‘round to see the goods. my friends would flog me if i did such a thing. (not really, but they sure would be surprised, and i’d definitely have some explaining to do!)

when i want things i don’t need or when i’m dissatisfied with what i have, i think of women around the world who are just like me. women living under tarps in the desert of sudan trying to feed their family. women in south america sending their small children out to beg. this sounds depressing and like i spend all day self-flagellating, but it’s a truly beautiful exercise. beautiful because it makes me so thankful and so content. i am often so thankful that i am weepy over things that most people don’t even consider: free health care, for example.

all this said, my husband and i are normal people. i want a holiday and he wants a motorcycle and we have a digital camera and sometimes we go to the movies and buy nasty treats. and a lot of the time we secretly wish we didn’t have any ethics, but at the end of the day i’ll cling to my beliefs instead of the status quo.

Kathryn Gray and her husband and children (5 & 3) live in Toronto. In her "spare" time, she practices cartwheels and works on elaborate plans to save the world.

Epiphany

As each person completes herself or himself and contributes what is authentic, a new paradigm emerges: circularity. At rest, it is a circle, and in motion, a spiral. When we look more closely at each part, it is a microcosm of the whole. If we consciously take this as our organizing principle, we come up with very nonbinary, unlinear, nonhierarchical results.

For instance: If we think of ourselves as circles, our goal is completion — not defeating others. Progress lies in the direction we haven’t been.

If we think of families and nurturing groups as circles, the sum means maximizing each part — not restricting others or keeping secrets. Progress is appreciation.

If we think of work structures as circles, excellence and cooperation are the goal — not competition. Progress becomes mutual support and connectedness.

If we think of nature as a circle, then we are part of its reciprocity. Progress means interdependence.

If we respect nature and each living thing as a microcosm of nature — then we respect the unique miracle of ourselves.

And so we have come full circle. Self-esteem is not a zero-sum game: by definition, there is exactly enough to go around. By making the circle the organizing image in our minds, a prison of lines and limits will gradually disappear.

-Gloria Steinem, Revolution from Within

Commercial-Free Christmas

The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has released a helpful guide to resisting the holiday hype. Susan Linn, Enola Aird, Diane Levin, and others give their best advice for family activities and gift-giving.

So, pitch the toy catalog into the recycling bin and curl up to the Commercial-Free Holiday Guide.

Mother Letter Project

Want to help someone make a difference this Christmas? I received this very special email last week from Danny:

...I am working on a project for my wife. I am gathering a compilation of letters from mothers to mothers (shh, it's a secret). The letters are in open letter format and can be to any mother. The letters should share stories (no matter how real, raw, or funny), worries, encouragement, advice with these mothers. My vision is to give my wife a group of these letters so when tough time come in raising our [kids], she can find encouragement in the words of other mothers. I have taken letters via email and have also opened a blog to try and pull in additional submissions. See www.motherletter.blogspot.com. So far I have collected around 35 letters from mothers of all walks of life.

I would love for the authors' names to be included in the letter. In addition, short biographical informatin (as much as any author is comfortable contributing) is helpful. Any websites or blogsites are also welcomed. I intend to send a Christmas day packet of mother letters to everyone who participates. If a particular letter connects with a particular mother, I would love for the mom to have a way to connect with the writing mother (vis-a-vis blog or website).

Contact Danny through his blog and help him create this beautiful gift.

Winner

Congratulations to Kristie Tripp, winner of our first fabulous giveaway package! Enjoy, Kristie!

Thanks to everyone who entered. We received many wonderful suggestions for wild parenting topics. Cynthia wants to see more practical tips on outdoor play in the winter. Susana suggests interviews with wild families. Annie would like to read about making the switch from a family doctor to a naturopath. More suggestions include articles on DIY, getting more mama time, and nighttime parenting. Several of you want to know how to navigate Christmas without succumbing to its commercialism.

Stay tuned to Wild Parenting for all that and more in the coming weeks.

And remember that we are always looking for contributors. Share something bothering you or something inspiring you. Tell us how you manage your wild home or what happened last time your in-laws visited. Everyone has something to offer!

And thank you, readers, for making all this worthwhile.

We are really having a blast.

Wild in the City

BY KATHRYN GRAY

raising two children in the downtown core of a huge city has its drawbacks.

i yearn for a basement. a basement would solve all my problems. no computer or TV or stereo in the living room. no piles of laundry in the bathroom. no neighbourhood kids screaming and romping through my kitchen. every last book, toy, costume, and bit of play dough would be out of sight. serenity would be achieved in my whole home (as long as i never went down the basement stairs!)

i want a basement. (and maybe a backyard wouldn’t be bad.)

then i was sweeping the porch recently when it dawned on me that it would be so sad to have a place in our home where my kids and all their friends were schlepped away out of sight. part of the reason being in the city is so attractive is because all of humanity is living out their lives in each others’ laps. real life occurs here and isn’t hidden away in homes where fences protect and sidewalks have been replaced by minivans.

someone once said to me, “i don’t see how a family can live in the city on less than $70,000 a year”. i choked. sure, we could move to the back of beyond where we could afford to buy a house with a basement, but something tells me we’d be missing out.

so for now, i’ll enjoy that my children actually want to hang out in the same room with me. i’ll enjoy that one room serves as the office and the homeschooling room and the dining room. i’ll enjoy that my neighbours are just on the other side of a thin wall. i’ll enjoy the sidewalks and the fact that we ride our bicycles everywhere. i’ll enjoy that we make half of that $70,000 a year and live freely and happily and without want. and when my friends, who’ve gone in search of basements and backyards for their children, complain about how much they miss the city, well, i’ll grin….and try not to be too smug.

Kathryn Gray and her husband and children (5 & 3) live in Toronto. In her "spare" time, she practices cartwheels and works on elaborate plans to save the world.

Reminder

The last day to enter our giveaway is tomorrow! We haven't had that many entries, so your chances are pretty darn good.

Email us at info at wildparenting.com to enter. Check back on Friday to see who won!